Post by Steve Dave on Feb 5, 2010 10:41:57 GMT -5
09:32am EST
03 February 2010
Newark, NJ (Car Theft Capital USA)
Our band of misfits can be seen sitting at an open air restaurant in Newark, NJ. They all seem to be plotting something, well Lucy is. The rest are thinking about double posting. I'll let the audio catch you up on the details.
Lucy: Alright, so the Pope is coming to Newark today and I have a plan to take him out.
Steve Dave: On what, a date?
Lucy: If I could fucker, I would, but I am a little bit attached to you at the moment. Back to my original issue though. I have acquired a catapult, like those old school ones back when they used to ride horses around, to shoot YOU Steve Dave at the Pope.
Steve Dave: What am I going to do?
Lucy: Well, originally I wanted you to talk to him, console him on the loss of his savior and give him a sympathy card. Maybe give him a 'good game' pat on the ass too.
Steve Dave: Really?
Lucy: FUCK NO! I want you to take him out with a knife I am going to equip you with. When I say knife, I really mean a wine opener (corkscrew for the uninitiated).
Steve Dave looks over at Lucy Jr then back at Lucy.
Steve Dave: What about Lucy Jr.?
Lucy: I am glad you asked. This is where SHE comes in handy. If it is ok for her, I would like to fire a test shot with her. She doesn't have a problem does she?
Lucy Jr: ...
Lucy: No objections from Lucy Jr? Good, movin-
Steve Dave interrupts her mid sentence.
Steve Dave: That's not fair!
Lucy: She didn't object.
Steve Dave: You're right...Everyone has their part I guess. What were you saying?
Lucy: Basically, I am going to HURL you from the catapult--
Steve Dave: Wait, where did get a catapult from?
Lucy: Truthfully? King Arthur sold it to me. He wanted to sell me moat water claiming that it had mystical powers. I decided that it wasn't a smart decision at that point in time.
Steve Dave: Oh ok. So we hurl me from a catapult and I take out the Pope with a corkscrew?
Lucy: Correct.
Steve Dave: ....and why are we doing this?
Lucy: Because the bible is bullshit.
Steve Dave: No, its a lot of paper and other stuff....ink! Yes, Ink too!
Lucy: No, the words contained within its covers are bullshit. Did you know that for the longest time people believed the words of the Gods in Greek Mythology were the words of god(s)? Now, we read it as funny stories.
Lucy fakes a hearty laugh and stops abruptly.
Lucy: It's not FUCKING funny! So, before you plunge the corkscrew in to the Pope I want you to scream the first thing that pops into your head. Only god knows what you will actually say. Screaming 'I love Lamp!' will not suffice.
Steve Dave: So where do we have to be and when?
Lucy looks at her non-existent watch on her non-existent wrist attached to her non-existent body.
Lucy: In about a half hour on the corner of Norway St and 143rd. Why, do you have to be somewhere else?
Steve Dave: No, I have to see a man about a horse.
Lucy: Alright. I have to take Lucy Jr. with me to test out the catapult.
Steve Dave: Alright.
Steve Dave disappears to do his business. What Steve Dave doesn't know is that Lucy doesn't really need Lucy Jr. to test anything, but Steve Dave's love for Lucy, the original. She makes it over to the catapult sitting right where she told Steve Dave. She proceeds to throw Lucy Jr in the gutter, but it gets caught and the head is still sticking out. Lucy shrugs and waits for Steve Dave.
While that was happening, Steve Dave was last seen entering a bathroom with about 15 pounds of Chunky Jif Peanut Butter. He hasn't been seen since. Back to Lucy. A few minutes before show time Steve Dave shows up in a very unexpected, well, he is naked, but smothered in peanut butter (chunky type, one each) with a corkscrew in his hand.
Steve Dave: I am ready!
Lucy sees him in all his glory.
Lucy: HOLY FUCK!
Steve Dave: That is an AWESOME name for the operation that we're about to execute!
Lucy is speechless and just then Steve Dave notices Lucy Jr. half sticking out of the gutter. He grabs her by her head but notices she is stuck. He pulls a little harder and gets her out.
Steve Dave: This is the last time I am allowing you to take Lucy Jr. alone!
Lucy is still speechless. Steve Dave starts to mount the catapult as Lucy snaps out of the speechlessness.
Lucy: I would ask a question, but judgement time is among us.
Steve Dave is in position in the catapult with Lucy Jr. and the corkscrew of death.
Steve Dave: PULL!!
Lucy pulls on something unseen and the catapult comes flying forward and then she quickly disappears from sight. Steve Dave launches through the air with Lucy Jr between his legs as if he were auditioning for I Dream of Jeanie. He thrusts the hand with the corkscrew and realizes he is supposed to yell something. At this point in time he is about 30 feet from hitting the Pope and yells.
Steve Dave: I LOVE LAMP!!!
Steve Dave then realizes that the Pope has about a 6 inch wall of bullet proof glass around him. Bulletproof glass = Epic fail. As Steve Dave is closing in on the Pope Mobile the Pope takes notice and thrusts his handy dandy Vampire killing cross out as to soften the blow from Steve Dave. SPLAAAAAT! Steve Dave hits the Pope Mobile and a look of pure disgust warms over the Pope's face for a generally unfit naked man covered in chunky peanut butter is stuck to the outside of the vehicle he spews his propaganda from. Suddenly Steve Dave has a violent spasm and shakes the Pope Mobile then falls off of the Pope Mobile on to the ground spread eagle. Pope guards surround him instantaneously with AR-15's with crosses etched into them. The police arrive shortly and handcuff him, awkwardly and take him away to the Police Department. It is quickly determined he is not able to pay for his bail. He is charged with a litany of crimes and whisked away to jail to await his trial date and possibly some clothes, with or without the shower.
03 February 2010
Newark, NJ (Car Theft Capital USA)
Our band of misfits can be seen sitting at an open air restaurant in Newark, NJ. They all seem to be plotting something, well Lucy is. The rest are thinking about double posting. I'll let the audio catch you up on the details.
Lucy: Alright, so the Pope is coming to Newark today and I have a plan to take him out.
Steve Dave: On what, a date?
Lucy: If I could fucker, I would, but I am a little bit attached to you at the moment. Back to my original issue though. I have acquired a catapult, like those old school ones back when they used to ride horses around, to shoot YOU Steve Dave at the Pope.
Steve Dave: What am I going to do?
Lucy: Well, originally I wanted you to talk to him, console him on the loss of his savior and give him a sympathy card. Maybe give him a 'good game' pat on the ass too.
Steve Dave: Really?
Lucy: FUCK NO! I want you to take him out with a knife I am going to equip you with. When I say knife, I really mean a wine opener (corkscrew for the uninitiated).
Steve Dave looks over at Lucy Jr then back at Lucy.
Steve Dave: What about Lucy Jr.?
Lucy: I am glad you asked. This is where SHE comes in handy. If it is ok for her, I would like to fire a test shot with her. She doesn't have a problem does she?
Lucy Jr: ...
Lucy: No objections from Lucy Jr? Good, movin-
Steve Dave interrupts her mid sentence.
Steve Dave: That's not fair!
Lucy: She didn't object.
Steve Dave: You're right...Everyone has their part I guess. What were you saying?
Lucy: Basically, I am going to HURL you from the catapult--
Steve Dave: Wait, where did get a catapult from?
Lucy: Truthfully? King Arthur sold it to me. He wanted to sell me moat water claiming that it had mystical powers. I decided that it wasn't a smart decision at that point in time.
Steve Dave: Oh ok. So we hurl me from a catapult and I take out the Pope with a corkscrew?
Lucy: Correct.
Steve Dave: ....and why are we doing this?
Lucy: Because the bible is bullshit.
Steve Dave: No, its a lot of paper and other stuff....ink! Yes, Ink too!
Lucy: No, the words contained within its covers are bullshit. Did you know that for the longest time people believed the words of the Gods in Greek Mythology were the words of god(s)? Now, we read it as funny stories.
Lucy fakes a hearty laugh and stops abruptly.
Lucy: It's not FUCKING funny! So, before you plunge the corkscrew in to the Pope I want you to scream the first thing that pops into your head. Only god knows what you will actually say. Screaming 'I love Lamp!' will not suffice.
Steve Dave: So where do we have to be and when?
Lucy looks at her non-existent watch on her non-existent wrist attached to her non-existent body.
Lucy: In about a half hour on the corner of Norway St and 143rd. Why, do you have to be somewhere else?
Steve Dave: No, I have to see a man about a horse.
Lucy: Alright. I have to take Lucy Jr. with me to test out the catapult.
Steve Dave: Alright.
Steve Dave disappears to do his business. What Steve Dave doesn't know is that Lucy doesn't really need Lucy Jr. to test anything, but Steve Dave's love for Lucy, the original. She makes it over to the catapult sitting right where she told Steve Dave. She proceeds to throw Lucy Jr in the gutter, but it gets caught and the head is still sticking out. Lucy shrugs and waits for Steve Dave.
While that was happening, Steve Dave was last seen entering a bathroom with about 15 pounds of Chunky Jif Peanut Butter. He hasn't been seen since. Back to Lucy. A few minutes before show time Steve Dave shows up in a very unexpected, well, he is naked, but smothered in peanut butter (chunky type, one each) with a corkscrew in his hand.
Steve Dave: I am ready!
Lucy sees him in all his glory.
Lucy: HOLY FUCK!
Steve Dave: That is an AWESOME name for the operation that we're about to execute!
Lucy is speechless and just then Steve Dave notices Lucy Jr. half sticking out of the gutter. He grabs her by her head but notices she is stuck. He pulls a little harder and gets her out.
Steve Dave: This is the last time I am allowing you to take Lucy Jr. alone!
Lucy is still speechless. Steve Dave starts to mount the catapult as Lucy snaps out of the speechlessness.
Lucy: I would ask a question, but judgement time is among us.
Steve Dave is in position in the catapult with Lucy Jr. and the corkscrew of death.
Steve Dave: PULL!!
Lucy pulls on something unseen and the catapult comes flying forward and then she quickly disappears from sight. Steve Dave launches through the air with Lucy Jr between his legs as if he were auditioning for I Dream of Jeanie. He thrusts the hand with the corkscrew and realizes he is supposed to yell something. At this point in time he is about 30 feet from hitting the Pope and yells.
Steve Dave: I LOVE LAMP!!!
Steve Dave then realizes that the Pope has about a 6 inch wall of bullet proof glass around him. Bulletproof glass = Epic fail. As Steve Dave is closing in on the Pope Mobile the Pope takes notice and thrusts his handy dandy Vampire killing cross out as to soften the blow from Steve Dave. SPLAAAAAT! Steve Dave hits the Pope Mobile and a look of pure disgust warms over the Pope's face for a generally unfit naked man covered in chunky peanut butter is stuck to the outside of the vehicle he spews his propaganda from. Suddenly Steve Dave has a violent spasm and shakes the Pope Mobile then falls off of the Pope Mobile on to the ground spread eagle. Pope guards surround him instantaneously with AR-15's with crosses etched into them. The police arrive shortly and handcuff him, awkwardly and take him away to the Police Department. It is quickly determined he is not able to pay for his bail. He is charged with a litany of crimes and whisked away to jail to await his trial date and possibly some clothes, with or without the shower.