Post by Steve Dave on Jan 20, 2010 8:48:15 GMT -5
03:32pm
19 January 2010
PWR Arena
Steve and Lucy are walking around backstage at PWR Arena in awe. They finally realize that they have made the big time. Steve Dave comes across a ladder leaning up against the wall and proceeds to set it up then climbs to the top of it.
Steve Dave: Look at me, I'm Razor Ramon!
Steve Dave thrusts his arms out much like Razor Ramon did so well.
Lucy: Ok smartass, this isn't In Your House! and I will not play HBK to your Razor Ramon.
Steve Dave: Pleaaaasssseee....
Lucy: Not right now. Maybe if we have time later. I mean, shit after what you did a few days ago, I'm not touching your dick for a while.
Steve Dave starts to climb down from the ladder but makes it half way down before he gets hit with a particularly violent spazz.
Steve Dave: Shit Shit Fuck FUCKING MOTHER FUCKING BITCHES!
The spazz is so violent he tips over the ladder with him on it. He comes violently crashing to the ground through a randomly placed table (who places those tables there anyway?). He lays there for a second with a shocked look on his face. He slowly gets up as Lucy runs over to see if he's alright.
Lucy: You ok?! We need to get that checked out.
Steve Dave: We don't need to get that ladder checked out, it was my fault.
Lucy: I...just never mind.
The pair start to walk down the hall in search of their locker room. The finally come to a small corner of the arena where on the door it says 'Steev Dave'. Steve Dave becomes happy and claps his hands together.
Steve Dave: Yay! My new locker room! We should have a ribbon cutting ceremony, but with toilet paper!
Lucy is flabbergasted.
Lucy: Have you gotten more retarded since I have met you?
Steve Dave: It's possible.
Lucy opens the door and it appears that this is not their locker room. All they see is miscellaneous cleaning supplies, a bucket with water and a mop in it. Steve Dave's head tilts to the side ala Stewie while looking at the mop. He picks it out of the dirty water and looks at it with a smile on his face.
Lucy: What the fuck? This isn't our locker room! They switched our name with the janitor's name plate! You know who did this? Probably The Prophet.
Steve Dave is now entranced with the mop still dripping water everywhere. He puts it between his legs with mop head facing up.
Steve Dave: Yeeehawww!! Giddey up cowboy!
Steve Dave starts off down the hall hopping on the mop pretending its a horse.
Lucy: Oh what the fuck. How'd I get stuck with this retard?
Further down the hall he hears Steve Dave bring the 'horse to a stop'. Lucy finds him at the audio visual desk hopping up and down on his horse in front of two of the workers.
Steve Dave: So, what do you guys do here?
John: Well, we make what you do look good.
Steve Dave: But I already look good, too damn good.
John: Well I beg to differ.
Steve Dave has a spasm.
Steve Dave: FUC-FUC-FUC-FUCK FACE!!
John: Excuse me?
Steve Dave: That wasn't intentional, I'm sorry.
John: THE FUCK IT WASN'T.
John gets up in Steve Dave's face. Then all of a sudden he starts break dancing!
The Other John: Oh shit! A break dance fight!
Steve Dave looks at John with a confused look on his face. John stops break dancing and holds his hands out as to say 'Your Turn'. Steve Dave all of a sudden breaks out into 'The Twist' made popular by Chubby Checker. He only does it for a few seconds before stopping.
John: Man your skills are whack....
The Other John: Yeah dude, real whack.
The Johns go back to working as Steve Dave is left standing in shock and awe of what just happened. Lucy doesn't know what to say. All of a sudden Steve Dave jumps on to his horse and begins to 'gallop' down the hallway further. A few moments later it sounds like he has stopped again.
Lucy: I must be in some bizarro world....
Lucy finds him about 30 feet down the hall standing in front of the door hopping up and down on the mop. He points at the door and it reads 'Janitor'. He opens the door and their locker room lays out in front of them
Lucy: Well that fucking horse did a good job I guess.
At this point in time Steve Dave is holding it with the mop end up and in front of him while he is petting it with his other hand.
Steve Dave: You can thank Lucy Junior yourself.
Steve Dave holds out 'Lucy Jr.' to Lucy and she almost falls to the ground in amazement.
Lucy: ITS A FUCKING MOP!!!
Lucy Jr: ...
Steve Dave becomes a little unhappy and pulls Lucy Jr. in close.
Steve Dave: Don't listen to her, she's jealous. She doesn't want any of you, she's afraid of you.
Lucy: Whatever.
The trio go inside their locker room. Lucy surveys the area and approves it to be worthwhile.
Lucy: Alright. Word on the street is that Prophet put out a call for an opponent and you were on the list. After my research on him, I am going to take a nap, then we can shoot a promo.
Steve Dave: Got it.
Lucy: Now, don't go off and shit on some doll's chest ok?
Steve Dave: Thats ok, I've got Lucy Jr. to keep me sane.
Lucy becomes obviously angered. She walks off to do what she needs to do.
90 minutes later....
Lucy gets awoken from her sleep by the sound of ear piercing singing from Steve Dave. Oh, and he's dancing too. Not good. He is singing over an old boombox that Steve Dave has re-secured (read: STOLEN).
Steve Dave: 99 RED BALLOONS ......duh duh duh....99 RED BALLOOOOOONS!!!
Lucy: Holy shit, do you know the words to any whole song?
Steve Dave is still jamming out to the song.
Steve Dave: LET ME SEE YOUR JAZZ FINGERS!!
Steve Dave throws out his hands and flutters his fingers. Lucy is dumbfounded, wouldn't you if your lover referenced a late 90's early 2000's movie about cheerleaders?
Lucy: What the fuck is wrong with you? Stop that shit right now. Where the fuck did this old school boom box come from?
Steve Dave stops quickly and a frown comes over his face.
Steve Dave: I stole it from Hell's room and this tape was in it.
Lucy: Possibly one of the few good things you have done your whole life and probably one of the worst for sake of my ear drums, though I digress. Now that I am up, we can start on your promo...or atleast trying to get you to promo...
Lucy looks over and spots Steve Dave combing the hair of the mop, er I mean Lucy Jr.
Lucy: What the fuck! I am trying to help you here and you are combing the hair of that whore!
Steve Dave: She is not a whore! She's just a little thin and has coarse hair. Don't say anything about hear eating habits, she gets mad! Sheesh, I would think of all people you would understand. What's that Lucy Jr.?
Steve Dave leans in close to Lucy Jr. and nods a few times. He turns to Lucy.
Steve Dave: She would like to know if you're interested in a threesome.
Lucy: I am not being double penetrated!
Steve Dave: You wouldn't be penetrated...
Lucy gets frustrated and shakes her hands in the air.
Lucy: Let's just cut the promo about Prophet before I strangle you with your new girlfriend.
Steve Dave takes the prepared notes and looks over them for a few moments. He props Lucy Jr. up against the table and starts.
Steve Dave: M-M-M-Motherfucker, why do you want to call me out? Yeah, I lost last week, but that ain't no thang like a chicken wang! I got mad skills to pay the bills and here you are putting everything on credit like it's not going to come back and haunt your credit report. I know, I speak from experience, I was in those freecreditreport.com commercials. My girl screwed me in the past, but here I am, at at score of 300. However, I digress, if you decide to show for this match, then...
Steve Dave's attention turns to Lacy Jr.
Steve Dave: Aw my pretty, you missed daddy didn't you? You want me to talk dirty to you? Touch you where you like it, huh?
Lucy was in awe of the promotional Steve Dave cut. She knows if he could be like that more often, the world would be theirs for the taking. She looks again over at Steve Dave and he appears to be making out with the mop.
Lucy: *SIGH* What is the Turquoise Fairy's phone number again...I need to become a real girl..
Scene fades to black with Lucy flipping through her Midget Cell Phone (thats like a mini phone, duh) and Steve Dave making out with a mop, errr Lucy Jr.
19 January 2010
PWR Arena
Steve and Lucy are walking around backstage at PWR Arena in awe. They finally realize that they have made the big time. Steve Dave comes across a ladder leaning up against the wall and proceeds to set it up then climbs to the top of it.
Steve Dave: Look at me, I'm Razor Ramon!
Steve Dave thrusts his arms out much like Razor Ramon did so well.
Lucy: Ok smartass, this isn't In Your House! and I will not play HBK to your Razor Ramon.
Steve Dave: Pleaaaasssseee....
Lucy: Not right now. Maybe if we have time later. I mean, shit after what you did a few days ago, I'm not touching your dick for a while.
Steve Dave starts to climb down from the ladder but makes it half way down before he gets hit with a particularly violent spazz.
Steve Dave: Shit Shit Fuck FUCKING MOTHER FUCKING BITCHES!
The spazz is so violent he tips over the ladder with him on it. He comes violently crashing to the ground through a randomly placed table (who places those tables there anyway?). He lays there for a second with a shocked look on his face. He slowly gets up as Lucy runs over to see if he's alright.
Lucy: You ok?! We need to get that checked out.
Steve Dave: We don't need to get that ladder checked out, it was my fault.
Lucy: I...just never mind.
The pair start to walk down the hall in search of their locker room. The finally come to a small corner of the arena where on the door it says 'Steev Dave'. Steve Dave becomes happy and claps his hands together.
Steve Dave: Yay! My new locker room! We should have a ribbon cutting ceremony, but with toilet paper!
Lucy is flabbergasted.
Lucy: Have you gotten more retarded since I have met you?
Steve Dave: It's possible.
Lucy opens the door and it appears that this is not their locker room. All they see is miscellaneous cleaning supplies, a bucket with water and a mop in it. Steve Dave's head tilts to the side ala Stewie while looking at the mop. He picks it out of the dirty water and looks at it with a smile on his face.
Lucy: What the fuck? This isn't our locker room! They switched our name with the janitor's name plate! You know who did this? Probably The Prophet.
Steve Dave is now entranced with the mop still dripping water everywhere. He puts it between his legs with mop head facing up.
Steve Dave: Yeeehawww!! Giddey up cowboy!
Steve Dave starts off down the hall hopping on the mop pretending its a horse.
Lucy: Oh what the fuck. How'd I get stuck with this retard?
Further down the hall he hears Steve Dave bring the 'horse to a stop'. Lucy finds him at the audio visual desk hopping up and down on his horse in front of two of the workers.
Steve Dave: So, what do you guys do here?
John: Well, we make what you do look good.
Steve Dave: But I already look good, too damn good.
John: Well I beg to differ.
Steve Dave has a spasm.
Steve Dave: FUC-FUC-FUC-FUCK FACE!!
John: Excuse me?
Steve Dave: That wasn't intentional, I'm sorry.
John: THE FUCK IT WASN'T.
John gets up in Steve Dave's face. Then all of a sudden he starts break dancing!
The Other John: Oh shit! A break dance fight!
Steve Dave looks at John with a confused look on his face. John stops break dancing and holds his hands out as to say 'Your Turn'. Steve Dave all of a sudden breaks out into 'The Twist' made popular by Chubby Checker. He only does it for a few seconds before stopping.
John: Man your skills are whack....
The Other John: Yeah dude, real whack.
The Johns go back to working as Steve Dave is left standing in shock and awe of what just happened. Lucy doesn't know what to say. All of a sudden Steve Dave jumps on to his horse and begins to 'gallop' down the hallway further. A few moments later it sounds like he has stopped again.
Lucy: I must be in some bizarro world....
Lucy finds him about 30 feet down the hall standing in front of the door hopping up and down on the mop. He points at the door and it reads 'Janitor'. He opens the door and their locker room lays out in front of them
Lucy: Well that fucking horse did a good job I guess.
At this point in time Steve Dave is holding it with the mop end up and in front of him while he is petting it with his other hand.
Steve Dave: You can thank Lucy Junior yourself.
Steve Dave holds out 'Lucy Jr.' to Lucy and she almost falls to the ground in amazement.
Lucy: ITS A FUCKING MOP!!!
Lucy Jr: ...
Steve Dave becomes a little unhappy and pulls Lucy Jr. in close.
Steve Dave: Don't listen to her, she's jealous. She doesn't want any of you, she's afraid of you.
Lucy: Whatever.
The trio go inside their locker room. Lucy surveys the area and approves it to be worthwhile.
Lucy: Alright. Word on the street is that Prophet put out a call for an opponent and you were on the list. After my research on him, I am going to take a nap, then we can shoot a promo.
Steve Dave: Got it.
Lucy: Now, don't go off and shit on some doll's chest ok?
Steve Dave: Thats ok, I've got Lucy Jr. to keep me sane.
Lucy becomes obviously angered. She walks off to do what she needs to do.
90 minutes later....
Lucy gets awoken from her sleep by the sound of ear piercing singing from Steve Dave. Oh, and he's dancing too. Not good. He is singing over an old boombox that Steve Dave has re-secured (read: STOLEN).
Steve Dave: 99 RED BALLOONS ......duh duh duh....99 RED BALLOOOOOONS!!!
Lucy: Holy shit, do you know the words to any whole song?
Steve Dave is still jamming out to the song.
Steve Dave: LET ME SEE YOUR JAZZ FINGERS!!
Steve Dave throws out his hands and flutters his fingers. Lucy is dumbfounded, wouldn't you if your lover referenced a late 90's early 2000's movie about cheerleaders?
Lucy: What the fuck is wrong with you? Stop that shit right now. Where the fuck did this old school boom box come from?
Steve Dave stops quickly and a frown comes over his face.
Steve Dave: I stole it from Hell's room and this tape was in it.
Lucy: Possibly one of the few good things you have done your whole life and probably one of the worst for sake of my ear drums, though I digress. Now that I am up, we can start on your promo...or atleast trying to get you to promo...
Lucy looks over and spots Steve Dave combing the hair of the mop, er I mean Lucy Jr.
Lucy: What the fuck! I am trying to help you here and you are combing the hair of that whore!
Steve Dave: She is not a whore! She's just a little thin and has coarse hair. Don't say anything about hear eating habits, she gets mad! Sheesh, I would think of all people you would understand. What's that Lucy Jr.?
Steve Dave leans in close to Lucy Jr. and nods a few times. He turns to Lucy.
Steve Dave: She would like to know if you're interested in a threesome.
Lucy: I am not being double penetrated!
Steve Dave: You wouldn't be penetrated...
Lucy gets frustrated and shakes her hands in the air.
Lucy: Let's just cut the promo about Prophet before I strangle you with your new girlfriend.
Steve Dave takes the prepared notes and looks over them for a few moments. He props Lucy Jr. up against the table and starts.
Steve Dave: M-M-M-Motherfucker, why do you want to call me out? Yeah, I lost last week, but that ain't no thang like a chicken wang! I got mad skills to pay the bills and here you are putting everything on credit like it's not going to come back and haunt your credit report. I know, I speak from experience, I was in those freecreditreport.com commercials. My girl screwed me in the past, but here I am, at at score of 300. However, I digress, if you decide to show for this match, then...
Steve Dave's attention turns to Lacy Jr.
Steve Dave: Aw my pretty, you missed daddy didn't you? You want me to talk dirty to you? Touch you where you like it, huh?
Lucy was in awe of the promotional Steve Dave cut. She knows if he could be like that more often, the world would be theirs for the taking. She looks again over at Steve Dave and he appears to be making out with the mop.
Lucy: *SIGH* What is the Turquoise Fairy's phone number again...I need to become a real girl..
Scene fades to black with Lucy flipping through her Midget Cell Phone (thats like a mini phone, duh) and Steve Dave making out with a mop, errr Lucy Jr.